Chapter Text
The blonde had opened the box and inside was a salad dressing, so she assumed a salad. But also chocolates, which she recognized as «kisses». As well as a ball of baked pizza to make like a bread bun.
On the lid of the salad Carina had drawn a little heart below a «Miss America».
Maya had huffed and puffed and closed the lid before heading back up the stairs.
Elle Kingsley had risen from her desk chair.
- "Trouble with your girlfriend?"
- "she's not my girlfriend"
- "oh... It seemed to me... She had a huge smile on her face when she asked about you, and then it looked like she was on cloud nine waiting for you".
-"Appearances can sometimes be deceiving. She's not my girlfriend. If you'll excuse me, I've got work to do".
-"No worries Maya" she smiled at her as the blonde headed for the stairs.
She went back up to her desk and set the box down beside it, before putting her headphones back on and looking at her screen.
However, she could no longer concentrate on her screen. She'd seen Andy this morning and her best friend had clearly understood that today was not the day to see Maya. They'd known each other long enough for her to be able to read her.
But right now, she wished she'd seen Andy to take her mind off the way she'd put off the lovely, adorable Carina.
She'd ended up taking the salad she'd made for her. She'd opened the lid and seen that it wasn't a salad but a tuna tartare on a scallop carpaccio, with shrimps she'd pan-fried.
Maya had closed her eyes. She'd been so mean to Carina just to get her to leave; because deep down, in a way she felt it was all a bit her fault and that as usual she'd pulled out her defense mechanism; and that on top of that, she hadn't really lied, she wasn't the couple kind. She had put the lid in her drawer with other lids with words from the pizzaiola on them.
She'd eaten the tuna tartare with the baked pizza ball, then poured the sauce over the carpaccio and eaten Carina's entire dish.
The next day, Andy had come to see the blonde.
-"Are you coming to lunch with us this afternoon?"
-"No, I've got... I've got too much work to do".
-"Are you sure you don't want to go out? Take your mind off things for an hour... See that pretty Carina you've been drooling over for six weeks..."
- "yeah sure"
- "I'll give her your best then" she winked at her.
- "no! ... Don't, please."
- "a problem with Carina?"
- "No, but I started to like her and I started to do stupid things at work. I don't want to do anything with her. Besides, you know me, I don't date. It's not worth losing my job just for sex."
- "if you say so"
- "so you don't tell her anything and if she asks you why I didn't come, you just say I've got a lot of work to do now"
- "it's up to you"
When Maya had gone to get an afternoon coffee in the break room she'd bumped into her best friend and Travic.
"How's it going?"
- "It's coming along. It's taking up my head, I hate doing the same things fifty times, but it's my fault, so anyway... I'm doing it."
- "good luck, I'll always be here to take your mind off things"
- "thanks... And if not... How was... How was Carina?" She'd asked this as if she were just asking a question to make conversation.
- "she wasn't there"
- "what do you mean?"
- "it was her brother. He told us Carina was sick. She didn't even open her truck last night at discovery park."
- "yeah?"
- "All things considered, Carina's fate is important to you..."
- "no, I was just being polite"
- "okay"
Maya was back in her office. She'd started working, but she was thinking about the Italian. Like every time she couldn't concentrate at work, Carina was at the heart of her thoughts.
She couldn't help herself. She picked up her phone.
Maya: Hello Carina. I hope you're well, Andy told me you weren't in today. Nothing serious I hope.
The blonde had bitten the little skins on her lips. She'd been staring at her phone for ten minutes, but the Italian hadn't opened her conversation. She didn't know if Carina didn't want to open the message, if she was asleep, if she was resting, if she was busy. She wondered if she should come over tonight.
Eventually, she came to her senses and went back to work.
The next day, she'd gone to the pizza truck at lunchtime, but she hadn't needed to get any closer. She had seen from a distance that a man was making the pizzas. It wasn't Andrea. It was probably Carina's pizzaiolo, Jack.
She took her phone out of her pocket and went off into her conversation with the Italian. The brunette hadn't read her message from the day before.
Carina had given herself a few days off. She was pretty good at judging people and she couldn't understand how she could have been so wrong about the blonde. She had nothing against one-night stands. She was used to having one-night stands, but here for her, Maya hadn't been one and she «wasn't supposed to be one». She wondered how she could have been so wrong, how Maya could have come so many times for pizza if it was just to sleep with her.
Besides, she knew she liked making love, she'd never felt bad about it, she liked making love and had a gift for it. She just knew it. And with Maya she'd thought she'd finally found a worthy adversary. But once again, she'd been wrong. Maya had indirectly said she was a nymphomaniac.
She'd always laughed about the fact that she liked sex. She was the type to assume totally, but when those words had come out of Maya's mouth, she hadn't been able to explain to herself why they had been more painful than from anyone else's mouth. Why all of a sudden, liking sex «bothered» her. Why did the blonde's image of her matter so much? After all, she'd only been a one-night stand.
She knew that Maya wasn't the woman of her life. She suspected that the blonde wasn't the companion of just one woman, that she was far too beautiful to settle for just one partner, that she was the kind of woman to please and to be hit on, and not just by women. She'd seen the look on the girl's face at the Relentless reception desk when she'd asked to see Maya. But she'd told herself that they could go a long way together. That if the blonde had gone to all that trouble to get her, she probably liked her as much as she liked her in the opposite direction, and that she too hoped they'd be a couple, at least for a while.
But the fact was, she'd got it all wrong. Maya wasn't that adorable. Maya had just done everything she could to get them into bed together. If she only knew how wrong Maya had been too. If it was just about sex, she would have slept with her much sooner. She would have slept with her, instead of crushing on her like this, instead of spending hours thinking about her. Instead of pining for her lips and everything else. She could have saved them a lot of time and energy.
Yesterday she'd received a message from Maya that she hadn't opened. She'd just lowered the notification panel and seen the message from the blonde. She had swept the notification to the side so that it disappeared. She didn't want to open it.
What did she care how she was or what she had? She'd made that clear on Monday. On top of that, Maya probably imagined it was because of her... And, to be honest, it was, but she didn't want her to know that she'd had this power over her.
Tomorrow, tomorrow she'd go to work. Maya wasn't supposed to have the power to make her business run, if not her tears. If she didn't want her, then she wouldn't want her back; besides, tomorrow there would be Arizona, it had been a long time since she'd flirted with her. And what's more, on Saturday she could go out with friends and sleep with the first girl she found pretty enough to make her forget Maya for even ten minutes.
It had been ten days since Carina had come to see Maya at Relentless; on Tuesday, Andy had once again proposed that her best friend join them, but she had refused again. But now it was Thursday and she'd be off at two. She was impatient and the morning had been very, very long.
She had quickly left her office after two in the afternoon and headed for the forecourt where Carina had her pizza truck. She didn't have to go far to see the Italian. The brunette was leaning against a table, still standing, talking to another blonde woman. They were laughing.
Had the Italian found someone «ready for her»?
She had turned around and gone back to her work. It was a good thing she'd seen Carina with this woman, because now she didn't have to worry about her. She hadn't hurt Carina that much. She was already feeling better. She was flirting again.
Carina had turned her head just as the blonde disappeared into the distance.
-"something wrong?" Arizona asked, seeing the expression on the brunette's face change.
-"Nothing", said Carina, trying to make her smile as sincere as possible.
-"Was it her?"
-"I... I don't know. It just... It looked like her, but I must have been dreaming, as they say."
- "Are you sure you weren't in love with her?"
- "Yes, I'm sure. I thought she was... Different... That I could have fallen in love with her... But she made it clear and I have to get on with my life. She was just a chapter... When I would have liked her to be the whole book, or at least part of it... She stopped things between us at the right time, before I fell in love with her, so good for me! ... I just... really liked her."
- "and too bad for her. It's her loss Carina, any woman would be more than happy to have you in her life."
Another week had passed. It was Wednesday, and it had officially been over two weeks since they'd last spoken. Maya had stepped out of her office to grab a coffee when she'd bumped into her friends at the Relentless barista.
-"It doesn't look good," Vic said to Maya.
- "Yes, yes, I'm fine."
- "did you get your interviews for the problem from the other day?" Travis asked.
- "last week"
- "and are you going to be sanctioned?"
- "no, but my manager has to check my work as soon as I make a new move"
- "aoutch... Knowing that it's usually you who checks his work..."
- "yeah, whatever, I don't care"
-"You're strange lately" said Vic.
- "Why?!!" she asked defensively.
- "hey calm down, I'm not the one who messed up a code and showed the whole world the security system"
- "it's only those who do nothing who don't make mistakes!!!"
-"What's that supposed to mean? What are you insinuating?!"
- "that some of us have easier jobs than others... I could do your job in my sleep".
- "Maya, take it easy, we understand that you're still upset, but Vic had nothing to do with it" said Andy.
- "What happened anyway?" Travis asked.
-"Nothing, I just underslept and messed up, that's all."
- "Maya, we're just chatting, relax," said Andy, putting her hands on her shoulders.
- "I've got work to do anyway."
The blonde had started to leave and she'd heard Vic talking to Travis.
- "oh by the way, I went to see Carina and she's still on for tonight-"
She would have liked to go back, to ask what was good for tonight, but the way she'd just talked to them it might not have been the best idea.
She had heard someone run up behind her and put her hand on her shoulder to stop her.
-"Maya, talk to me, what's going on? You haven't said a word to me for two and a half or even three weeks. Ever since your secret weekend... Has something happened? Is it Mason? Or your father? You know you can tell me anything."
-"It's nothing. It's stupid."
- "If it was nothing, you wouldn't be so upset. Look at the state you're in. Vic and Travis are the only people we see outside and you've just pissed them off like never before. They're your friends and now-"
- "What's going on tonight with Carina?"
- "Carina, what? Tonight?
Wait, is this all because of Carina? You invited her three weeks ago and she gave you a no? Is that why you don't want to come and eat with us on Tuesdays? Is that why you blew it when you got paged? Is that why you've been in a bad mood ever since?"
-"No," Maya answered, looking away.
-"Wait, Maya, I know you. Since we've been working together you've never taken a lunch break, and now you've taken one every Tuesday lunchtime for weeks."
- "every lunchtime for six weeks"
- "what?!"
- "I've been eating at the pizza truck every lunch, except Thursday, for six weeks."
- "what?! And why am I just finding out about this now?"
- "because it's stupid"
- "you spent six weeks hitting on Carina, it's not like you to be so... Long."
- "I liked her... really..". Maya pretended not to care, not to want to talk about it, but inwardly, she wanted to keep talking about Carina, she wanted Andy to keep asking her questions.
- "And then, she refused your advances, so you don't want to approach her anymore?"
- "No, that's not it."
- "what then?"
- "I was with her this... Evening... That night"
- "wait, wait, wait, are you telling me that you spent the night with the Italian bombshell who makes us the best pizza of our lives and I'm just finding out about it now?!!!!"
- "yes"
Andy had slipped her arm under Maya's and she'd pulled her toward the elevators.
-"There's no way you're going back to work! I want to know everything, from the beginning!"
- "and where are we going now?"
- "on the rooftop... I've got a feeling I'm going to need to breathe some pure air, you two together, I want to know everything!!!" She'd pressed the elevator button before turning her face to Maya: "everything!!!"
They'd reached the top and gone to sit on the outside sofa.
"So?!"
- "good where to start..."
- "the beginning! It's been... What eight weeks now?!"
- "so, as you might have guessed by then, I ran into Carina before we went.... On Monday I went for a run, changed course and saw her, she was just... Sublime"
-"she's sublime"
-"I know..." She said, her voice full of regret.
"So... Inevitably, as you can imagine, I had to know if she was interested in women. I came with you on Tuesday and... I'll be honest with you, but your pizza is unbearable... It burns you from the inside and you've added hot oil... I don't know how you do it, but anyway, I found it hard to take my eyes off her, to «finally» see her up close, she's just, too beautiful for me to want to look at the menu instead of her. So I took it like you do, but went back the next day, pretending I had to give her a second chance for her pizza... Because yes, she remembered me," she said with a smile that denied how she felt at the time.
"And so I went back on Friday... Then every other day..."
- "so you ate pizza every day for x weeks?!" She asked shocked.
-"Yes and no... Well, at first I did, which is why I didn't go to the gym anymore. So every day except Thursday.... And then one day we talked a bit more and I talked to her about making a website for her truck for orders."
- "wait, you made her website?!
- "yes"
-"I should have known! It's so your styling !"
- "so, I did her site that weekend, and on Monday when I came to talk to her about it, a man was there."
- "A man? Wait, Carina's a lesbian... I think."
-"Yes, but for one thing, I didn't know. Two, they had the same last name, and three, they both spoke Italian. And this guy is super handsome... Well... Not as much as her, but he's handsome. But he was her brother... But I didn't know that until Wednesday."
-"But on Tuesday you came with us and on Wednesday you went back?!"
-"Yes, I couldn't help it... I think if she'd been with me and wanted me, I'd have let her cheat on her partner... I know it's wrong. I even flirted with her in front of him. But she's... She's..."
- "perfect?"
-"you have no idea..."
-"Wait, I'll cut you off for two seconds. But right now I don't understand how you went from talking about her like that, to one night with her, to avoiding her like the plague..."
-"Well, listen and you'll find out... So she'd given me an appointment for Wednesday evening- I see your smile! A business appointment...
A business meeting but... We kept flirting... Anyway, nothing happened... But since that day, she started bringing me food..."
- "what do you mean?"
-"Since that Wednesday, instead of pizza, she'd make me salads, for example. She had written on the box that since it had been a month, I could try something else..."
-"There are some privileged people!"
- "and she called me «her favorite customer» and..." She had blushed.
"Miss America"
- "why Miss America?"
- "because she said I had the looks to win... She thought that about my medal... Anyway, that would only make the story longer, and that's not the most important point...
So that and the Thursday after I came..."
-"But you didn't eat on Thursdays, you told me!"
-"Yes, but that Thursday I did! So obviously she hadn't planned a different dish for me, as I never came on Thursdays, but I asked her what her favorite pizza was... And I ordered two and when she gave them to me... I told her to come and eat with me..."
- "You're such a romantic!"
-"Stop it! No! It was cheesy and I hate it!"
- "The red of your cheeks doesn't indicate that you find it cheesy..." She smiled.
"Wait, more seriously..." She had taken on a more serious, almost worried air.
"Maya, are you in love with Carina?"
The blonde had dropped into the outdoor sofa and rested her head on the backrest.
"Maya?" She asked worriedly.
- "no. No, but... She doesn't leave my thoughts for all that... I still like her just as much... Let's just say things stopped at the right moment... I was beginning to develop feelings for her..."
-"Why at the right time? You could be... Happy today"
- "because you think I'm unhappy?"
- "no, I didn't say that... But I don't think you're happy either... What happened?"
- "So on Thursday, she... I think she thought it was... Cute that I invited her over like that... We talked for a while, but she had to get the truck ready for the evening, so I helped her put away her tables and chairs... And it became... A little more than flirtation... I'd been pining for her for over five weeks, and you know me, I'm not that kind of girl. I'm more of a one-night stand...
Anyway, I tried to steal a kiss... And she wouldn't let me... But she didn't push me away... We were... Physically close, her lips were on my neck and vice versa... But she told me she'd need more than a self-made pizza to succumb to my charm...
And she started to tell me that... That I wasn't ready for her."
- "am I supposed to understand what that means?"
-"welcome to the club...
So I invited her on Friday night to come to the restaurant with me"
- "where did you take her?"
- "how do you know she said yes?"
- "where did you take her?!!!"
- "to the Space Needle..."
- "oh my god, Maya you're totally nuts about this girl! I've never heard you say you've taken anyone there... It's so romantic!"
- "and I'd gone to get flowers"
-"Is it normal that I almost want to cry? Like a proud mother? What flowers?"
- "Red Arums"
- "and what was the message?"
- "carnal desire..."
- "rather apt given the situation... And to be honest, even I kind of want her when I see her."
Maya's gaze had gone black.
"I'm straight I remind you, there's no need to glare at me. She's all yours! She's all yours!"
- "so after the restaurant we walked along Elliott Bay hand in hand..."
Maya had seen her best friend give an expectant look and put her hands in front of her mouth.
"And then we looked at the boats on the shore and she got a chill... So I took her in my arms, I mean I came behind her back... And... She got goose bumps again and..." The blonde had blushed.
"... She told me it was me who was having that effect on her...
And... She ended up rolling over in my arms and... I'd never wanted to kiss anyone so much... And without lying to you, it was the best kiss of my life... She's not just good with pizza... She has the softest lips on earth...
And..." She'd laughed lightly at the memory.
"We got whistled at by a bunch of kids, I guess we weren't the only ones enjoying what was going on.... We continued kissing... Then I ended up taking her home... And..."
- "oh, my, god..."
- "as you say... But not in the way you mean...
She wished me good night..."
- "she's frustrating! Even I'm frustrated!"
-"Don't remind me... But then she told me again that I wasn't ready for her..."
- "I still don't know what that means..."
-"I'd come to it... Eventually... So we kissed... Wished her good night and invited her to come and eat at my place on Saturday..."
- "the famous night!"
- "the famous night..." Andy couldn't make out whether or not Maya was happy that the night had arrived.
The developer had paused for a moment, her eyes lost in vagueness as if she wanted to recall that day and evening so as not to leave out any details.
"So, you know me... Cooking and I aren't a great love story, but once I'd invited her... I couldn't take back my words, and more importantly, I didn't feel like it at all. And I didn't feel like ordering a caterer or anything like that. So I searched for recipes and selected something that sounded good and not too complicated. I ordered everything I needed and cooked, so I'll skip that part.
In the evening, she arrived with a red orchid, which is pretty much the same as the flowers I'd given her. And we kissed... Anyway, we ate, we kissed a few times...
I tell you, I may have been Olympic champion in the ten-thousand-meter run... But she's an Olympic champion in everything she tries her hand at..."
- "all... All..."
- "all!" Maya replied, rolling her eyes to make her point.
- "congratulations!" Andy said, as if to tell her she'd hit the jackpot.
- "so... We kiss, talk and at 11pm past, she tells me she's leaving."
- "whaaaat?!"
- "are we agreed?! It's not me who's abusing?!"
- "no, but she was actually playing you!"
- "no, no, no wait. So she starts to get up and I had no desire for her to leave and when she kissed me... I felt that she... What she wanted more too..."
-"normal! Have you seen my best friend's looks?!"
- "did you see hers?! I think there's a category just for that woman. In fact, I don't even think she's human. Nobody can really be that perfect."
- "obviously she's not that perfect..."
- "let me continue... So... I wanted to hold her back... I «followed» her and came to kiss her and I swear like the whole universe wanted to give me a hand, my speaker started playing Loose Control by Teddy Swims"
- "she's super sexy that song..."
-"yes! And right after... Despacito from Luis Fonsi..."
-"oh, my, god..."
- "that's it and I don't know what's changing her mind... My kisses or the song, the lyrics, or the mix of the two... But whatever it was, she stayed..."
-"I really can't figure out if you're... Happy about it... Or not," Andy squinted.
-"Can I say that I am... And that at the same time I'm not?"
-"Maya... I think I'm getting a migraine" replied Andy, holding her forehead.
-"I'm glad it happened because it was... At the same time the evening, the most romantic night of my life, the hottest, the most sensual, I swear all at the same time and much more. Even the moments when it was a bit wild didn't echo to f*cking in my head, even in the really hot moments, we were making love. It looked like a commercial or something, but our bodies were glistening...
When I told you she was an Olympic champion in everything... I meant it, she's... Stunning... Mind blowing... And it felt like every org*sm was even better than the last... I don't think I've ever enjoyed sweating so much."
-"stop or I'll reconsider what I told you earlier and go and flirt with that beautiful Italian girl".
- "if I wasn't so..." She'd lengthened the word «so» to search for the end of her sentence.
"I don't know what... I'd have told you to go for it... But... Please... No... I know I'm not in love with her... But honestly it would break my heart."
Andy could hear all the sincerity in her sentence, and the very fact that imagining it happening would break her heart.
- "I promise" she replied, putting her hand on her knee to back up her words.
- "so... It was... There aren't even words... And when you use the expression «all night»... Well, it wasn't an expression... I don't think I had that much stamina even for the Olympics...
Which comes partly at the point where I regret it ever happened."
-"you where that bad, I mean next to her?" Andy asked, grimacing slightly.
- "Honestly, the «you're not ready for me» thing is going to take on a whole new meaning now...
For one thing, I think that compared to her... In terms of performance... I wasn't up to it... At times, I even felt like she was giving me a lesson...
Secondly... No human can have that much desire, that much stamina, I had the impression she was insatiable, so I don't know if it's because I'm rubbish in bed or if she likes sex on a level... Even Olympic they're not that into it... And you know I like sex, but I'd got to the point where I was almost asking her to sleep... And the worst part was that I didn't even get to the point where it was «painful» because we'd done it so much... It felt good every time...
«good» if you only knew how far from the truth that is..."
- "so you... You're sorry she made you... Love ... Literally «all night»?" Andy asked, not sure he understood.
-"You'll understand, I'll come back to point two.
So from three, I'd finally been asleep for what... Thirty minutes when my pager went off. I got up and went to my computer, but I was too tired and... I couldn't stop thinking about Carina naked in my bed... A torture... Impossible to find the problem, my mind was foggy, I wanted to sleep and I wanted her and I had no desire to be in front of my computer... And..." She'd huffed.
"... She... She joined me... And she started asking me questions and that was good because it put me back into the logic of the code... And... She started to... I'll skip the details but I... warming up to what she'd like to do to me while I worked... And she... Started to do... A little more than just warming me up... And all of a sudden I stopped her like «I've got it» and I don't know what I did... Even the next morning I looked at my code and couldn't understand the logic... But at the time it seemed logical... The banner indicating a breach in the security system had disappeared... Inevitably... I had removed the shield... Of course, I discovered that much later...
So to get back to Carina... I had the right to... I couldn't even tell you how many times we made love, but honestly... I think it's a completely ridiculous number, but not in the sense of one, but in the ridiculously high sense, worse-than-teenagers sense.... But with much, much, much more know-how...
And mamma mia, I finally got some sleep. Not much, just a few hours, but I've never been so happy to sleep."
- "mamma mia, huh?"
- "and I haven't even been around her that much..."
- "and sunday?"
- "just so you know... It was already Sunday morning... When she woke up, she found me on my laptop trying to figure out what I'd done a few hours before... And we had breakfast and... I don't need to draw you a picture... Then she wanted to take a shower before going home and... I went with her...
And when she left I went into a coma. Literally... I slept until Monday morning and I'll pass on Sullivan's message and our conversation because you already know them but....
When I got home on Sunday, Carina had sent me a message to thank me and tell me she was home and when I woke up with Sullivan's message, I thought I'd answer her later, then there was the conversation and after that I didn't really have the heart to answer her... But of course... She had to be the most adorable woman in the world... Otherwise it wouldn't have been funny...
She came to bring me food here, because she was worried about my muteness... And I was still upset about the mistake I'd made, and at that moment, in my head, it was my fault... But also hers...
It was her fault because... She was invading my thoughts; she was distracting me at work, even without knowing it; she had «prevented» me that night from concentrating on the problem; she had prevented me from sleeping; and above all she had done what no other person on earth had managed to do... I had... I have feelings for her... I feel them inside me, I feel them in my stomach when she smiles at me, I feel them in my heart when she looks into my eyes, I feel them in my throat when she puts her hand on me...
I... I can't be this person. I don't know how to be that person. I'm a one-night stand kind of girl on Wednesdays, I'm not the type to go flower shopping or take someone to the Space Needle, or make out for hours on the couch or exchange a first kiss on the Elliott Bay Pier after dark lit by the lights of the Ferris wheel...
And so I... I told her she was hot but that we'd just slept together that I wasn't looking for a girlfriend... And she started telling me that I'd basically wasted six weeks coming on to her to sleep with her... And that she would have slept with me long before that... But because of those six weeks, she figured I wanted more than a one-night stand... That I wanted her... She..." She'd closed her eyes.
"I don't know how to be that kind of girl... And I was pissed... I know I should have told her if I was tired, I know I should have told hee to give me time with the security breach, I know I should have contacted a colleague if I couldn't find.... But you know how I was brought up, it's only the losers and the cowards who fail, who ask for help... And you know I've never been in a relationship... And I don't know how it works... And I was scared because... Because I wanted to take her in my arms and cry for doing sh*t and getting yelled at. I wanted her to take me in her arms and run her hand up the back of my neck. And to kiss me, because her lips could heal all ills...
But... But you know me... I'm not-"
-" not that kind of woman? The kind who wants someone to love her for who she is? Who wants someone to take her in her arms at night and put her to sleep?... Maya... You're that kind of woman... You think you're not... Until a «Carina DeLuca» proves to you what it's like to have a lover...
What could you possibly have done or said that can't be reversed?"
- "remember point two?"
- "the unlimited amount of sex?!"
- "yes..." Maya said fearfully.
- "wait... Maya... What have you done?!"
The blonde had started to open her mouth to speak, but Andy had cut her off first.
"Wait... Carina didn't work on Monday night and she didn't start again until Thursday... Maya what could you possibly have said to Carina?!..."
-"Basically? She was right that I wasn't ready for her, that no one could be... Because she was... A... A nymphomaniac..."
Andy had put her hand in front of her mouth. She was shocked that Maya could say that to the woman she was falling for. She was heartbroken for Carina and understood her absence. If these budding feelings were anything like Maya's, she understood the state she must have been in.
"I... I didn't mean it in those terms... But basically what it meant... And that's what she understood..."
Andy had closed her eyes.
-"Maya, you've screwed up so badly..."
-"I know... The more words came out of my mouth, the more I wanted to hit myself... Plus she made me a dish reminiscent of our first night together... And it was just adorable and romantic and I had just been mean as ever... I didn't even mean what I said to her- well okay, honestly she really does have an inhuman ability to make love... But I loved every second, every second I spent with her... And I just wanted to get rid of her because I didn't deserve her... I didn't deserve the way she looked at me or the way she smiled... she was always telling me how impressive I was, and I was nothing of the sort, so that night I failed.
I didn't deserve her, and it was partly her fault... And I didn't deserve her because she... She's just... Too good for me. She deserves a woman as perfect as her... I could never love her the way she deserves... She deserves the world and what can I give her? A website...
So I was mean... And the next day when you told me she wasn't there... I couldn't help it, I sent her a message... But now I realize how pretentious that sounds... Like «I know you haven't been working, probably because I broke your heart»... And she didn't answer me... She didn't even open my message... I don't even deserve her to read it..."
- "Honestly Maya... I don't know what to tell you..."
- "I'm not... I'm not asking you for anything... That's why I kept everything to myself... I just... I screwed up with the one person I could have fallen in love with..."
- "Maya, you can't imagine the power of an «I'm sorry» can get."
- "It's too late, it's been two and a half weeks..."
- "I don't know about her, because I'm not in her head... But Maya, if she cares about you the way you still care about her two and a half weeks later, honestly, try everything you can..."
-"It's easy for me to «still think about her»: I'm the one who's been mean... I'm the one who should be kicking myself... Not hers. She «just» has to move on... To move on to the next woman."
-"Believe in my experience... It's not any easier that way..."
-"I think I still need time... I need to know what to say... I'll leave her and myself some time to digest my wickedness... And I'll go and see her... When I'm ready..."
-"Maya, Carina must be one of the most beautiful women in Seattle right now... You've been lucky, but she probably won't stay single forever."
-"Thank you Andy... For listening to me... And for obviously still being my friend despite... Despite what I just told you... For not judging me..."
-"Oh, I'm judging you. I'm judging you really hard. But you're my best friend and nothing's going to change that. Maybe it's easier for me to «understand you» because I know where you come from and who you are... But don't make assumptions about other people... Carina doesn't have all the information I have... You'll have to talk to her, explain and apologize..."
Maya had thrown her head back again.
-"It was so much easier when I wasn't in love!" She'd lifted her head and pointed her finger at Andy.
"That's a figure of speech! But basically it was simpler when it was one-night stands and not someone I cared about."
-"I get it... Don't panic"
- "and what's the thing Vic talked about with Carina?"
- "It's just that Vic and Travis organized an event with Relentless and their team. To thank his pizzaiolo for filling in for her... Afterwards... You two... She gave him the night off and she'll be serving at the food truck and they asked if they could place an order for a hundred pizzas... So she asked her brother to go and help her... And she accepted the order from Vic and Travis."
A week later, Maya still hadn't dared take the first step. It was Saturday and she had nothing better to do than work on Carina's website code to improve it. To implement the changes she'd told her about and do a little general maintenance.
She had looked at the website's visit rate and for two weeks now the website hadn't been visited once. She went online and entered Carina's website address. Nothing seemed to be wrong. She tried various browsers and then her phone.
Then she'd gone to the messages on her phone.
«Unread» she wanted to scream. Carina still hadn't opened her message and in barely two days it would already be a month since she'd last seen her, the last time they'd spoken. A month that she was even more tortured than that Monday in her manager's office.
Maya: Hello Carina. I hope you're well.
I just want to know if there's a problem with the website because I'm not seeing any more visits and you don't seem to be getting any notifications on the app.
Have a good weekend.
She knew it would be silly to stare at her phone for hours on end, so she just continued with her improvements.
On Tuesday, Maya had asked Andy to check whether the QR code was still stuck on the truck and whether it was on the new flyers. Unfortunately for her, the answer had stinks a little. Carina had taken it all off. So she was at a point where she didn't even want to use a tool to simplify her life, on the «pretext» that it had been built by Maya. Sure enough, she still held a grudge. She resented her «to death». Her words would be unforgivable for Carina.
The blonde hadn't been able to sleep on Tuesday night. She'd had no reply from the Italian for her Saturday message. It hadn't even been read; just like the previous one. She had decided to go through the application she had created in Carina for ordering. She knew that the application was still installed on her phone, because in the countdown of the number of installations there was a «2».
That is, her phone and that of her pizzaiolo, whom she'd added after their business dinner. She'd given Jack a second account, but Carina's was an administrator account. So she'd sent a message on the app and the Italian would have to read the notification and click on it to make it disappear.
« Carina, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said to you. Will you talk to me? »
There were two options « reply » or « reject ». Unfortunately for Maya, Carina had clicked on «reject». This had kept her up all night.
During the day on Wednesday, she'd struggled to make any headway at work and had put everything on Wednesday evening. She needed sleep. She needed it for her brain. Her body could take it. Her father had kept her awake so many times to train for the race that she was used to it. But her brain needed rest. It needed to regenerate and regain its strength to be able to code and code qualitatively. Yet it was clear that she hadn't slept so badly or so little since she was a teenager than since the Monday when she'd tried to hurt the brunette to scare her away. For over a month, she'd slept badly and thought of nothing but Carina, both in her dreams and awake.
Although she'd managed to sleep «well» on Wednesday night, by Thursday she still hadn't weaned herself off Carina. The Italian had prevented her from working for a long time. She'd often daydreamed about her in the six weeks they'd been «seing each other», but now, for the past month, she'd been tortured. All she could think about was the way she'd spoken to her, the words she'd said. Gone were the pleasant moments of watching the Italian make her pizza, or smiling at her, or imagining the taste of her lips; now she was reliving that Monday over and over again.
Carina had been in her pizza truck when Arizona had arrived. Ever since Maya had finally turned her down, she'd been thinking that a woman less sure of her seductive powers might be just the thing for her.
Arizona had often flirted with her, so maybe it was time to give her a chance.
She'd started by telling her why she'd been away, because obviously her absence had been noticed and Robbins' colleagues had told her so. But also because she wanted Arizona to understand that she was ready for a serious relationship. If being with Maya had made her realize something, it was this. She wanted to be in a relationship.
So she'd told her, basically, that she thought she'd found someone and that, in the end, this person was just interested in spending a night with her. But she was «ready». She couldn't help smiling at that. She had so often told Maya that she wasn't «ready for her», but if she was talking about her sexual appetite, she hadn't imagined that this phrase was for all aspects, not just sex. Maya wasn't «ready for her», not ready to be in a relationship with her.
- "attorney Robbins..."
- "Arizona for you"
- "you have to admit, «attorney Robbins» has a sexy ring to it.... What can I get you today?"
- "hummmm, what's your favorite pizza?"
The Italian must have tasted like déjà vu. Of course, Arizona didn't know that.
She didn't know if she'd felt like smiling, laughing, vomiting or screaming, or even crying, yet.
-"Margherita" She 'd hesitated to lie, but what was the point? If she wanted to give Arizona a chance she couldn't start on a lie, especially about something so trivial.
- "I'll take that, then"
- "it works"
Arizona had paid and Carina had taken another order while waiting for attorney Robbins' pizza to cook. Then she'd handed him his box.
The lawyer had put her hand on the Italian's.
-"Carina... I don't want to take advantage of you, I don't want to force your hand... And if you're not ready, I'll understand. But could I invite you to the restaurant tomorrow evening?"
- "With pleasure" replied the pizzaiola with a smile.
Arizona had taken a card out of her pocket and handed it to the pizzaiola in exchange for the pizza box.
"Grazie" replied the brunette with her charming smile.
After her service, the Italian had closed the tailgate used for service and started to tidy up the tables and chairs at the back of the truck.
- "Carina?"
She didn't need to turn around to know who was there.
"Carina, can I talk to you?... Please."
The Italian had finally turned around.
- "what do you want from me?" Her heart had skipped a beat. Maya was sublime. She had on, despite the heat a navy blue three-piece suit, a gray shirt open to the middle of her chest and gray shoes to match her shirt.
In her hand she held a bouquet of white lilies and red gladioli.
Their meanings were pleasure of love, fear of losing love, sweetness and purity, and for the other, love, a touch of madness, eroticism and invitation to love.
The blonde's heart was racing.
-"Can I talk to you?"
-"What, you haven't finished your list of... «reproaches»?"
Maya had approached.
-"I'd like to apologize."
- "I got your message, it's okay."
She had approached again.
- "these are for you"
- "what, you want to f*ck me again so I get flowers?!"
Her Italian accent was coming out again, letting Maya know that she was still affected by her words.
"You know, I'm a pretty simple and easy girl. I don't need flowers to make me spread my thighs... That's what nymphos are like, aren't they?!"
- "Carina, forgive me, please, I've been unfair" she gestured, taking her arm in her hand and placing the bouquet in the Italian's.
"I want you to give me a second chance... Please" the brunette didn't know why, but her heart wanted to believe the two sapphires piercing her soul right now.
-"How can I give you a second chance after what you said to me that day?"
-"I went after you for all the wrong reasons and I was wrong... I needed to be alone and I «knew» what to say to make you want to leave me alone."
- "Congratulations, you've done it!"
- "I know we don't know everything about each other yet, but you have to believe me when I tell you that I'm not the kind of person to apologize or admit when I'm wrong."
- "and because you're doing it today, I should forgive you and jump down your neck?"
- "I'm ready to... To start all over again, I'm willing to, to try and win you back Carina..."
- "what happened?!" she couldn't help it, the Italian had to understand, had to know, at least «to move on», because even when she'd accepted Arizona's invitation, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about Maya, or wondering if she'd be jealous if she saw them together.
- "the... The night we spent together... When... When I had to... Work... I made the biggest mistake of my career... I lifted the security on one of our customers' websites and gave access to the code for this security system, which is on several of our other customers' websites..."
- "so it's my fault?!" she asked accusingly.
Maya had closed her eyes.
- "no. But at the time, I'm not going to lie to you Carina, yes I was angry with you... But not... Not..."
She had closed her eyes.
"Not because you «stopped» me concentrating, because I know I could have stopped you... But I wanted you...
But I resented you for wanting you so much that I couldn't concentrate at work, couldn't go to the gym, couldn't stop seeing you and couldn't think of anything but you...
And I'm not the kind of person who's in a relationship or cares about anyone else, so I thought I'd get over it... This desire to be close to you all the time... But... No... It's been over a month and I seem to think about you more every day, to the point where I sometimes can't sleep...
And I've been blaming you a bit for that too... I can't work if I haven't slept, if my brain hasn't rested, and that night I hadn't rested... And I accused you of... Loving sex too much... But you're like a drug to me, I didn't want to stop. I know it sounds like «an excuse» for what I might have said to you... But I mean it...
Carina, please..." She'd taken her hand, which wasn't holding the flowers, and placed it over her heart.
"You have to believe me."
- "Maya just because I'm going to believe you, doesn't mean I'm going to forgive you."
- "please... Give me another chance... I want to be your girlfriend... And I want you to be my first girlfriend... I want to know everything about you and I want... To be the only person who can put my lips on you and vice versa."
- "no, I'm sorry Maya but I'm seeing someone tomorrow night. Thanks for the flowers."
Carina had left with her bouquet and the two folding chairs that had been resting on her hip since the beginning of their conversation and had gone to the truck. She had climbed into the back and Maya had followed her without her consent.
She had closed the door behind them and they were now illuminated by the truck's interior lights.
"What are you doing?" The Italian asked after placing her flowers on the worktop and chairs at the back of the truck.
- "I know that what I felt for you, you felt it too. You said I wasn't ready for you and... And you were right, but now I'm ready. I know what it feels like to lose you and it's more painful than any other feeling or any physical pain. I know that what I feel for you, you felt for me."
- "felt. Past tense. Maya you really hurt me."
- "and I'm ready to prove to you every day that I'm sorry and that I want to be with you"
- "you're four hours too late. I agreed to go out with a woman."
- "when?"
- "tomorrow night"
- "then go out with me tonight. What if I... If I can't sway your heart in my favor-"
- "you know very well you can be charming-"
- "Carina, if I can't, I'll back off and let you have the story you need to have with her..."
Maya had approached, running her hands over Carina's cheeks without kissing her for all that.
"Carina, you and I aren't a one-night stand... I know you felt it too... That night... It wasn't just sex. We made love..."
She had lowered her gaze to the Italian's lips.
"You're so beautiful Carina..." She'd closed her eyes.
"It's been almost three months now, every time I close my eyes I see your face...
I was afraid because you're perfect. You're the perfect woman, I'm not good enough for you I know... But I can't help it, I want to belong to you."
She had opened her eyes again had come to press her forehead to Carina's and brought her lips close to hers.
"I miss you..."
- "I'm sorry, Maya, but it's beyond my strength," Carina replied, removing the blonde's hands from her face.
- "I understand... I'll wait for you... If you change your mind..." The blonde turned and walked towards the exit.
-----
Hello and welcome!
See you next Saturday for the rest!
Don't hesitate to give me your impressions!
xoxo
-¥-
